Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Go, Granny Vedder!
65 Plays1 year ago
Got an idea for a podcast? Call us at 702-PODCASP and leave us a voicemail.
If you like We Don't Have a Podcast Yet go check out www.whitehouse.boats for exclusive content and weekly bonus episodes!
SHOW NOTES:
Taboocast - we’re being bullied by Spotify
Top Ten Take Two - “YOU’RE GETTING DUMBER”
Our Next Comedy Album: All Crowd Work - do you want any faberge eggs?
Lil Ron Hubbard’s Cupboard of Peculiarities - he’s eight inches tall rising up out of the drawer like Dracula
StrangerTalk - “comedian stalks and murders heckler”
This is No Ears Podcast - OJ Sampson?
The Osteoporosis Chronicle - we’re getting into the brittle mindset
The Armchair Sneetch - “The Three-Goatse Problem”
Recommended![Top Tens Take Two [PATREON PREVIEW] - Least Popular Alcoholic Beverages, Summer Jobs image](https://media.zencastr.com/cdn-cgi/image/width=112,quality=85/image-files/5ad6ac3fb6bb080006a57903/d3427349-6083-4418-917a-8ded23d91f75.jpg)
Transcript
Celebrating 311: Episode & Band
00:00:07
Speaker
That's right, it's our 311th episode. Episode 311. Yeah. I was trying to groove to that. We're celebrating. It's spring break forever and the year is 1996.
Nicole Scherzinger's 311 Connection
00:00:33
Speaker
Chill out.
00:00:35
Speaker
to the smooth rhythms of 311. Remember when Nicole Scherzinger was dating the guy from 311? I don't, but I do remember the last time you hit me with a little bit of Nicole Scherzinger trivia about how she was originally going to have the Fergie spot in Black Eyed Peas.
Origins of 311's Name
00:01:01
Speaker
And it was, in fact, one Nick Hexham of 311, who said, don't join that group, they're corny. Well, I've got to hand it to you. You are the person to go to for all of the Nicole Scherzinger trivia. And 311. And 311. Yeah.
00:01:27
Speaker
Now we're going to have to be sure and hit that again when we get to three minutes and 11 seconds on the on the timer. I'll do my best to keep talking. But now we go for three hours and 11 minutes. We'll hit it again. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm watching it like a hawk. Well, I need to come up with a hand signal for you. Do you know what would you know what city 311 are from?
00:01:58
Speaker
I do not. I believe it is Omaha, Nebraska. Oh.
311 Trivia and Omaha Roots
00:02:08
Speaker
Say they they hail from the same town as bright eyes. I assume that that was the area code of where they're from, but that seems like
00:02:21
Speaker
a very prime area code to be given away to Nebraska. Well, the 311 trivia just keeps on coming. I can't believe I know this much that they got their name from the Omaha police code for public nudity after. Now I'm going out on a limb here. This might be where I'm testing the limits of my knowledge. I believe it was 311 basis peanut
00:02:50
Speaker
who was running away from the police after being caught skinny dipping. Although in later interviews right now, right now. Oh, right now, right now. It later interviews, they would lie and say, oh, it stands for five friends making music. That's a bad lie. Yeah, it's very akin to when Pearl Jam chickened out on
00:03:19
Speaker
the name Pearl Jam and they said, oh, it's good. Eddie's grandmother was famous for, her name was Pearl and she made delicious bris-ers. Yeah. She made Eddie save his semen in a jar.
00:03:42
Speaker
Yeah, we got the name from you see Eddie Vedder's grandmother, Pearl was an extreme come fetishist. She would rub it on her face because she thought it kept her young. These were the days before the Internet where you'd have to. You'd have to make make a little film on a Nickelodeon and then charge charge the gents. A nickel to.
00:04:13
Speaker
have a turn looking at the Nickelodeon film. No, I will say this about those. If you wanted to see it in slow motion, you just turn the crank slower. Oh, shit, you could turn it faster, too. Yeah. Whoo. Look at her go. Go, Granny Vedder. Folks, we don't have a podcast yet.
00:04:42
Speaker
We tried. I don't even remember what we tried. A shock shock show for children. Yeah, that's right. That also specialized in bad cover musics and. Yeah, we also.
Copyright Clash: Spotify & Harry Styles
00:04:58
Speaker
I regret to inform you. Have gotten one of our episodes got flagged on Spotify because we played.
00:05:08
Speaker
like five seconds of, uh, watermelon sugar, the day that we found out that, uh, we'd been had by the urban dictionary and watermelon sugar was actually the name of a popular Harry Styles song and not an Atlanta slang term for heroin. So they Spotify was like, Hey, you can't play popular music on a podcast.
00:05:33
Speaker
And then they said, you have five days to contest this. But they didn't give me any sort of a link or an email to respond to, to contest it. They said, after five days, that means you agree. And I was like, well, fuck. And then they said, also repeat offenders, get their show taken down off Spotify.
00:06:02
Speaker
Chill, Spotify, chill. I don't think that they're going to chill. Yeah, they don't seem very chill over there at the Spotify music group.
00:06:14
Speaker
Sounds like you not getting that link is akin to Spotify sticking their fingers in their ears and shouting, ah, I can't hear you. I can't hear you. So they really did us. They did us so raw and dirty. I can't believe it. I don't know what else was in that episode. I could go back and look, but. I feel like we. We got we got done raw.
00:06:43
Speaker
And, and I would like our fans to start a writing campaign. Yeah. I mean, I can't imagine it made the episode better because we only played a few seconds of it. And if we hadn't played a few seconds of it art, isn't Harry Styles just really boring? Boring. Yeah. Oh no. He's one of the most interesting men on earth. Did you know he.
00:07:14
Speaker
dated Olivia Wilde. I did. I don't think you're going to get me on these trivia. I think I don't know. Listen, I don't know nearly as I don't know that Harry Styles owns a nightclub in Omaha that got criticized for having a no saggy pants.
00:07:40
Speaker
That's, that's simply for the three 11 fans.
Taboo-Inspired Podcast Idea
00:07:48
Speaker
Well, I do have an idea for a podcast this week. Okay. Let's hear it. This is called the taboo cast. And it's not about Eddie Vedder's grandmother doing stuff with Eddie or anything like that. It's not that type of taboo.
00:08:08
Speaker
And it's not Taboo, the other guy from the Black Eyed Peas. It's not Fergie, Raffle the App, or Will.I.Am. Is it the Taboo popular game that one might play with one's family? Yes. Yes. This is something akin to the popular game, although now that we've admitted that it's akin to the popular game, we have to change the name of the podcast so that we don't get
00:08:35
Speaker
sued by Parker Brothers like we did by Spotify and Harry Styles. Well, we didn't get sued by them. Yes, they just said if we don't comply with their every demand, we will be sued. They said what we did was we went ahead and took down that episode so that no one would accidentally hear Harry Styles. And if you if you think that we messed up, you can let us know. OK, anyways, ciao.
00:09:05
Speaker
and then they did not leave contact information on how to get ahold of them. They're like, well, if you're a big fancy famous guy, you probably can hire a lawyer to go send a letter to Spotify in Scandinavia or wherever they're at. No, but TabooCast, this would be, you know, we have a kind of a certain
00:09:34
Speaker
We have a little sandbox that we like to play in here on the show. And in that sandbox, we have a collection of different little spades and buckets and a little toy bulldozer, a dozen or so cat turds that are all buried in the sand. And as we play in our little sandbox, we dig those up and we show them to each other over and over. We say, oh, OJ Simpson is here.
00:10:04
Speaker
Let's talk about diarrhea and so on and so forth. And so this would be a podcast where I would take the collected works of Nathan and AJ, and then I would generate a word cloud to see what the most common, we'll say top 20 words or concepts that keep coming up. And then we make those off limits.
00:10:34
Speaker
just to force us to do some fresher stuff. I think I can do that. Uh, my only worry is that if you tell me, uh, that this group of topics is off the table, I'm worried that that's all I'm going to want to talk about even more so than normal. Well, that's what makes it taboo, right? It's a forbidden fruit. Yeah.
00:11:01
Speaker
In this case, the forbidden fruit is just a, just a nasty little story about diarrhea from the news. Okay. All right. Fair enough. I'm trying to think of what some of our other ones that we bring up a lot are the Flintstones animals that have jobs. That one seems to come up quite a bit. I think after this week, 311 is going to make the cloud. 311.
00:11:31
Speaker
They're getting up there. I think that you know what we need to do. Chill with the 311. Just cool it. Well, you don't want to do it on 1311 because it's coming up. Oh, boy. So, yeah, the Taboo cast. Have we ever talked about Turbo Teen?
00:12:00
Speaker
I don't believe so. The cartoon where the boy turns into a car. If he eats something spicy. I don't think so. We have talked. Well, we just missed it. Oh, shoot. Well, we did say we were going to chill with the 311. It's hard. It's tricky. Anyways, I think I think you get the gist of the taboo cast. Do you have an idea? I do.
Modernizing Letterman's Top 10
00:12:31
Speaker
This one is top 10, take two. And this would be a podcast in which we go into the wonderful database that someone has made of every David Letterman top 10 list and update them for modern times because they have many, many references that we left, left behind in the long, long ago of the late eighties and early nineties. So the idea is that we would be,
00:13:00
Speaker
saying like. Top top top 10 signs. That. I will just choose your Joey, but a Foucault's lawyer or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Tonya Harding jokes of Barbara Bush being looking older than George Bush jokes. Mm hmm. Trump Mach one jokes.
00:13:29
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Man, remember when he was just like a fake rich guy and everybody had a good time with that? Well, for example, the one I landed on randomly, most of these premises can still be used. This top 10 signs that John Hinckley is making progress. Wow.
00:13:56
Speaker
That's amazing. But I mean, we've discussed that time has, has reached its end. You know, the, the, uh, we're doubling back the predicted end of history came. And, and ever since we've been doubling back, um, three 11 back is back. At least we're bringing it back. I don't think that they are, but, uh, would, would you like to attempt one now?
00:14:26
Speaker
Yeah, let's see how we do freestyle. All right, here we go. Top 10 signs that people are getting dumber. Number 10, detailed instructions now provided with all new socks. Number nine, the new Brady Bunch show. Number eight, Nobel Prize for Literature given to guy who versed hyphenated Oat Bran.
00:14:54
Speaker
Number seven, quail mania. Do you need the whole thing or do you think we can start coming up with some of our own? I'm going to say quail mania can stay quail mania. Yeah, that joke was written to last. Well, I was thinking that now in this day and age. People are crazy for actual quails. Quail with an eye.
00:15:24
Speaker
Okay. Well, that, that, that, that would make it an easy, uh, we didn't have to do a lot of writing. We could just white out the, the why. Uh-huh. What, what else was there? The new Brady Bunch. Yeah. So now it's the new bratty bunch with an eye. Okay. I'm noticing a theme to these, uh, detailed instructions now provided with all new eye socks.
00:15:53
Speaker
Oh, oh yeah. I bought iPad. I socks. I don't know anymore. How about this? Apple develops new cybernetic eye for pirates who have had theirs poked out. It's called the II captain.
00:16:17
Speaker
I think that that would be a smart move on Apple's part because one of the few sectors of our society that they haven't really honed in on is the pirate sector. Oh, yeah. I think they're out on those boats and maybe occasionally picking up an AM radio station, but they don't know about all of this. Oh, yeah.
00:16:46
Speaker
That that's number four on the signs. People are getting stupider. Somalian pirates steal Harry Styles, watermelon sugar. And it's because they're there. They're so dumb that they read Urban Dictionary and thought that they were stealing several kilos of heroin. Yeah. Signs that people are getting. I can hit you with a few of the originals, if you would like.
00:17:15
Speaker
Most Americans can name no more than two of the four dancing raisins. They weren't called the dancing raises. Well, they did dance. I'll give them that. Oh, I got one. Signs that people are getting dumber. Bill Engvall made secretary of transportation. Get it?
00:17:46
Speaker
No, because he does the here's your side. So they make him they make him in charge of the Department of Transportation. And then he literally makes signs that just say you are getting dumber. And then he goes on TV and he says, ladies and gentlemen, here's your side.
00:18:04
Speaker
That's just a sign that says you're dumb. I had consigned Engvald to, to the part of my brain that was just the trivia answer for where, where Jennifer Lawrence got, got her big break. Can you imagine if you were driving down the road and there was just a big diamond shaped sign that said you're getting dumber.
00:18:34
Speaker
I would probably take the next exit and call into work. Well, I guess I thought I was pulling one over on everybody, but shame on me, I guess they found me out jigs up. All right, I got I got another idea.
00:18:59
Speaker
Oh wait, are we done with the top 10? Yeah, I think we got the idea. I'll say this is a good idea.
Comedy Album Experiments
00:19:05
Speaker
We don't need to spend too much time on it. Because right now it feels like it could be the strongest of what we've got. But I have this idea. It's called our next comedy album, colon, all crowd work. Now, I'm sure that you
00:19:29
Speaker
remember, but for listeners who might, might have just, just started listening and haven't, haven't gone back and binged all the old episodes. We did an episode a long time ago where we recorded a fake comedy album and put it on Spotify and
00:19:53
Speaker
They have Apple music and all of that. So, uh, so that it would chart on the comedy charts because there aren't that many comedy albums. So if you release one, you're pretty much guaranteed to have a top 10 record in that, in that genre. Well, it was called live from somewhere other than Shelby County.
00:20:16
Speaker
We had to record it twice because my microphone, uh, did not work the first time, which made it, uh, less funny, but we went ahead and released it anyway. And, uh, uh, we've made, I think like about three or $4 in royalties. And you know what? I'd like to think that maybe there's a podcast with, you know, like 20 listeners.
00:20:46
Speaker
that tried to play part of that on their podcast and, and got taken down off of Spotify for stealing our intellectual property. Just kidding. You can use that. You can use our, you can use our comedy album any way you like. You can chop, chop and screw it. Make us say things we never intended to say. Play that on the evening news. Dub it over a video of John Hinckley. Frame us.
00:21:16
Speaker
for murder. Send us to jail. Put us through the patty whack machine and press Jodie Foster on our behalf. Oh, Jodie. If you're listening. You could actually use our comedy album tracks on TikTok and Instagram stories. They're there just waiting. Play it. Put that put that sound.
00:21:44
Speaker
over your last video of your vacation. We want to see those beautiful those beautiful rock formations in Indonesia. But then it's just AJ being like, oh, I did a dookie or something. But I've gotten off track. This is our new comedy album, and this one is all about
00:22:12
Speaker
driving that engagement. If you're doing comedy right now, you gotta be posting clips of your crowd work. All the hottest comics are doing. As far as I remember, the first album, the majority of it was crowd work.
00:22:32
Speaker
We did a fair amount of crowd work. Do you think that we could possibly, uh, put out there, uh, would you like us to, uh, do crowd work about you? Yeah. We could possibly see if anybody would volunteer themselves, uh, to be crowd worked. Yeah. Because I remember them being very general.
00:22:58
Speaker
And me just telling people who weren't there to shut up, shut the fuck up and sit down a lot. Well, this I thought this would be kind of a different take. The last one, we just had a laugh track that would just randomly play laughs. So we were pretending to do a lot of act amounts and improv sketches and then letting the listener fill in
00:23:28
Speaker
the kind of, uh, what they imagined we must've been doing on stage. This, well, because it's Tik TOK and we can't get left behind like Wendy's. I don't know if you're aware of this, but Wendy's, you know, they had some unfortunately time stuff happen with the, when they tried to get roast day going as a thing. Well, they're back.
00:23:54
Speaker
on TikTok trying to do it again trying to be that sassy brand you know and love but TikTok requires video and they've made a very bad little avatar of Wendy that talks and nobody likes it we can't we can't be Wendy's here okay couldn't can we have our own avatar can we get like a bippy long stocking she's so strong she'd beat the shit out of Wendy
00:24:25
Speaker
Well, I was going to say we can't be Wendy's in the sense that we can actually film ourselves. We can't hide behind a little animated avatar, but I also like the idea of us just stealing Wendy's thing. Maybe we go Jeff Dunham on this and we have a Pippi Longstocking puppet. So we do it with a puppet that looks like Wendy, but we're like, it's not Wendy.
00:24:54
Speaker
and then we have that doing crowd work. I was proposing that we film ourselves doing crowd work where one of us would be standing in front of a backdrop, pretend that we'd have a laugh track going, but then you'd be saying like, where are you from, sir? And then the other one of us would be answering as if they were the audience member.
00:25:22
Speaker
So that we have picturing one of us working a wonderful puppet and the other one acts as muscle who cracks the heads of anybody who talks during the the wonderful puppet show. No, I don't think the puppets talking. I don't know if anyone is trying that on on TikTok to drive engagement for their for their stand up comedy career is to just
00:25:48
Speaker
I've seen, you know, like the, uh, heck the comedian destroys heckler videos. Those are, those are popular of course, but comedian, comedian's body guard beats the shit out of heckler on behalf of puppet, who is not Wendy. This guy has no respect for puppets. There's a puppet on stage.
00:26:17
Speaker
Hey everybody, how's it going? The guy's like, Hey, show us your tits. And then you just step out from behind the curtain and fire a pistol. I don't know. Part of it. I think part of my, uh, wanting to assault the crowd is, uh, I'm drinking the Steve Austin stone cold Steve Austin beer right now. And I just love the idea of doing some crowd work and then, uh, punctuating it with the stunner.
00:26:47
Speaker
Oh, if you could point to the bartender at the back of the club and they, they, they toss you two beers and you smash them together and just pour them all over my face. A little bit of it gets in my mouth and then I just start kicking groins and handing out stunners. Comedian stomps mud hole in heckler's ass and walks it dry.
00:27:13
Speaker
But yeah, so basically it would just be, we need to generate some videos of us doing crowd work so that we can post them to social media to drive engagement to our brand. So I'll just, we'll, we'll try it out here. Well, one of us gets to be the heckler and the other one gets to be the comedian. I'll, I'll go first. What do you do for a living, sir? I'm a plumber. Oh, like Joe, the plumber.
00:27:43
Speaker
Yeah, I work with Joe. You do. You know, Joe, the plumber, the, the guy who was like, yeah, he's my uncle. I don't know who to vote for. Well, he's really, he'll tell you who to vote for. He told me. Who, who, who'd you vote for? Ron DeSantis.
00:28:07
Speaker
And and your buddy Joe told you to do that. Oh, yeah. Listen to him. If he jumped off a bridge, would you do that? How high is the bridge? It's. One million miles high. Probably base jump. Oh, you would jump big into extreme sports. Oh, yeah. Get my video camera on my helmet. The helmet I'm wearing right now.
00:28:38
Speaker
Is it one of those 360-degree GoPros? Mm-hmm. People like to stick those things in their mouths because it makes a funny video of going into somebody's mouth. All right, I haven't tried that yet. I'd be self-conscious about it. I feel like... Do they stick them anywhere else? Well, the thing is, you could open your mouth wide enough to get it in there, which I guess...
00:29:06
Speaker
I've seen people on the Internet who could open other things up to get a GoPro in there, but I personally couldn't go see pro. Yeah, go to the pro. From the makers of Lexa Pro.
00:29:23
Speaker
How'd I do? Do you think people are gonna like my crowd work? I think that part of the crowd work thing is that you aren't really engaging with the person you're talking with. And perhaps I made my character a little too interesting.
00:29:43
Speaker
Every time, every time I'd grab onto something, he'd wiggle out of it. You're like Ron DeSantis, extreme sports. All right. All right. Now ask me. Hey, you over here. Yeah. Yeah. That guy right there. What's your deal? I collect artifacts.
00:30:10
Speaker
I think I know what kind of, you see this guy over here? I think I know what kind of artifact. What kind of artifacts? Ancient ones. Yeah, ancient. Huh, that's surprising that, you know, this guy would have ancient artifacts. He's about as old as my old granny.
00:30:35
Speaker
Hey, come on! That's my wife you're talking about! Thanks for coming to this show, Grandpop! You're welcome! Do you want any pepper-shaped eggs? No. You could juggle them in your show!
00:31:02
Speaker
I'm done talking to you, Grandpa. You didn't follow the lines that I wrote for you before I am. Oh, I'm sorry. I work at the cock sucking factory. It's a little late for that now. I'll go easy on you, but there's a beating in your immediate future, Grandpa. Moving on, moving on. What's in the news?
00:31:33
Speaker
All right. So I think that we got a, we got a pretty good, a pretty good thing going with our next comedy album, All Crowd Work. Do you got another idea for podcast? Sure do. We kind of, uh, we, we did this title rubric once before. I think, uh, you did, uh, AJ's cabinet of curiosities.
00:32:00
Speaker
Oh, yes. But I
Exploring Elrond Hubbard's Fiction
00:32:02
Speaker
was thinking about it. And there is a science fiction fantasy author who was published many, many works that I don't think a whole lot of people have read a lot of. So maybe we can shine a little light on this area of his bibliography and do Elrond Hubbard's cupboard of peculiarities. Elrond
00:32:30
Speaker
Hubbard's cupboard of... It needs another cupboard in there. Elrond Hubbard's... Elrond... Elrond Hubbard's cupboard of peculiarities. I don't think that there is an u-bird that means... Elrond Hubbard's cupboard uncovered.
00:33:00
Speaker
It hovered. Elrond Hubbard's uncovered cupboard. All right. I'm typing this down. Elrond Hubbard cupboard of curiosities. And you're telling me that we did do.
00:33:27
Speaker
another cabinet of curiosities that we had. I don't think that we actually chose it, but it was an idea that was proposed. So this would be Elrond Hubbard. Elrond Hubbard is introducing each of the segments. Well, I think that the show would be, we could do that, but I think the main thrust would be that there is a wealth of fiction
00:33:53
Speaker
that he wrote even before Scientology was a thing. And we would read a short story or novella or, cause he was pumping them out. You know, he was. So this, so Elrond Hubbard. He was, he was making a lot of shitty science fiction stories that, that nobody really cares that much about, but there are a lot of them.
00:34:21
Speaker
So he would be in the cupboard. Well, it's his cupboard. Well, he's put he's put childish things aside in the back of this dank, dark cupboard. And we're going to bring them back out and say, I think I liked it better when we were trying to kill the aliens and not worship them.
00:34:43
Speaker
OK, I'm just trying to like I'm trying to get a grasp on more the format of this as as it. Borrows from the the concept of Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosity. I think maybe we have an opening segment in which. We get gear on introduces a story and possibly
00:35:13
Speaker
couches it in the historical context in which he wrote it. And then we just have a freewheeling discussion about the story itself and how it informs our understanding of the historical figure that is Elrond Hubbard and also possibly get put on a list. Like a shit list.
00:35:38
Speaker
Yeah. Like, uh, they, they get some guy to drive and park outside my apartment and I just noticed them there sometimes. We get on miscavages list, not the government's list. Yes. Okay. The thing that, the thing that threw me was the, in, in the Guillermo del Toro show, all the stories are like old, you know, uh, HP Lovecraft stuff.
00:36:09
Speaker
And I think that they miss being contemporaries by not a whole lot of time. I mean, I feel like HP Lovecraft was more popular 10 years ago than it ever was in its heyday. Yes. It kind of got, it got the old Marvel comics treatment. Everybody acts like they've always been a fan.
00:36:37
Speaker
But I just, I was imagining that, you know, on the show, Guillermo del Toro, he comes out and he says, oh, hello, it's me. I'm not Peter Jackson. Anyways, let's look at my cabinets and see what we have here. Oh, he opens up a little drawer and a little doll comes out. And then that's the story. But I was imagining this one, you said Elrond Hubbard was in, like, I'm just picturing we opened up the cupboard.
00:37:06
Speaker
But he just. The the founder of the Church of Scientology, little tiny version of him. Maybe he jumps out all scary, just like Dracula sometimes. Sometimes he just rises out calmly out of a drawer. And this is like Nicholas Cage's Saturday Night Live character, Little Elvis. Yeah, but Little Little Ron Hubbard. Yeah.
00:37:35
Speaker
The L stands for Lil. His name was Lil Ron Hubbard. All right. That's L Ron Hubbard's cupboard of curiosities. Go ahead and change it to Lil Ron Hubbard's cupboard. Lil Ron Hubbard's cupboard of peculiarities. Cupboard of peculiarities. What if it was Lil Ron Hubbard's cupboard of flubber?
00:38:03
Speaker
You pop that drawer open and bounce it all over the place. Oh no. Put it back. We can't. I think that that would be a daring thematic change in the absent-minded professor's story if he absent-mindedly created a religion.
00:38:25
Speaker
You know, he can't even get his shit together enough to make it to his own wedding on time. But here he is. Every episode is just you. It's we're telling a different story with a with a tiny Elrond Hubbard and. Yeah, he's trying to always be long stocking puppet. He's getting fresh with her. Oh.
00:38:53
Speaker
All right, let's ask the Podtron for some help. Sure. Folks, if you're not familiar, the Podtron 4500 is an artificial intelligence that we trained.
Meet Podtron AI
00:39:05
Speaker
We gave it a list of the most popular podcasts and it digests that information and then it poops out little turds of ideas.
00:39:18
Speaker
for titles of things that it thinks could be popular podcasts, ideas like stranger talk. Okay. Children are capital S capital T no space. Children are often told not to talk to strangers, but what if the stranger starts talking like this could be a podcast telling the children how to get out of talking by talking. Hmm. Yeah. This could be how to talk to strangers.
00:39:48
Speaker
Or it could be just examples of things that strangers might say. Kids are always like, I don't know if this person is a stranger and that's, that is stranger trick number one. They say, oh, your mom, your mom and or dad asked me to pick you up from school today. Hop in. Oh, I'm a friend of your parents. Uh, I need help finding my dog. Yeah. My dad's Terry right now. Right.
00:40:18
Speaker
I've known that butt face since I was a kid. So come with me and I'll keep saying nasty things about your dad who I assume you hate because I know I hate him. Your dad's Terry right now. Later he might not be.
00:40:36
Speaker
I'm sorry, I got flustered trying to lie to the child. I was going to get this. The child has got me. He's fleeing on foot. You have to run him down in your van before he tells me I brought my razor scooter. So he thought I was cool. Yeah. Child did not buy your ruse. You wanted meter. Is it two stars? That's OK. I'm going to take my razor scooter into this paint booth and get a new job paint job.
00:41:17
Speaker
It felt like there was a minute there where they almost could have tried to make a game like that because they were like they didn't understand that the the appeal of the game is just basically running around crashing into stuff. They were like, oh, this is like in an 80s movie. People want to do the sickest fucking shit. And so they were they had that game where you were a serial killer.
00:41:26
Speaker
How's it come? They don't, they don't have any missions like that in the video game. Was where you're.
00:41:43
Speaker
And then they had the game where you were like a bully, like bullying children. They had the max pain where it was just like a cop who was addicted to drugs. He's just a crooked cop. That's man. That's the game that they should make. It's just, uh, the other side of the law where you're the cop and you could just go around and there's no wanted meter or nothing.
00:42:11
Speaker
Yeah, maybe there's a, do a hit man one, but you're a standup comedian who gets heckled and then you have to stalk your heckler home and kill them. The unheckler. Just anytime somebody busts your chops on stage, you're like, well, that's my time.
00:42:32
Speaker
And then you go out and just sit in your car and smoke cigarettes for 10 minutes in the game. You're just pressing X to lift the cigarette to your lip. Yeah, it's a rhythm game. Just waiting. Oh, I'm almost out of smokes. You're also taking slugs from your pint. Yeah. Just waiting and waiting for them to get up and leave so that you can follow them to their car. Slice their throat from either ear. Yeah.
00:43:02
Speaker
If you if you did your due diligence, watch the crowd as they were coming in, you might know which car to hang out underneath. So, oh, yes, you know, hit their Achilles. Yeah, you you hide under and slash their ankles with a box cutter. That'll teach you to say your mama. That's stranger talk. You got you got one from the list. This. Yeah. Yeah. This one is called.
00:43:31
Speaker
This is No Ears Podcast. And I think that this is just trying to keep us humble. We're gonna go about this one as if we had no ears at all. See how the earless live. So wait, are you suggesting that we do a podcast where neither of us can hear what the other one is saying? Not entirely. I mean, we could test that out. I think we have.
00:44:01
Speaker
done one where uh we completely can't hear each other but I'm just saying uh I'm not saying you don't have ear drums just that you don't have ears. Oh so we get like a little bit
00:44:17
Speaker
Yeah, so it'll be a podcast of us asking the other to repeat what the other just said. And after repeating it a few times, just like chuckling and saying, uh-huh, uh-huh. What would I do most of the time anyway? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't understand what someone said. And then I go, this guy gets it.
00:44:42
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know how many times I've probably laughed at someone, uh, saying something cruel about me because I just could not understand what they said. And I just went with it. This is no ears podcast. It could also be the first podcast for people with no ears, no ears required. Yeah. We could come up with new inventions like, uh, you know, they're, they're used to wearing contact lenses because they're, they don't have the equipment to keep a pair of glasses up.
00:45:13
Speaker
So possibly we come up with some sort of invention of little shelves that you put on the side of your head. This is the first podcast that is available in, we write it out letter by letter on your back with our finger. And then you have to guess what we said. They're like, oh.
00:45:42
Speaker
Jay Sampson. You mean the mustache lady from Lutigre? I got another one from the Podtron. What do you have? This is called the Osteoporosis Chronicle.
The 'Osteoporosis Chronicle' Concept
00:46:04
Speaker
Okay. And I guess this would just be kind of a current events.
00:46:12
Speaker
I don't, I don't believe that I don't have osteoporosis. Neither. Although I could pretend I could try and get in the mind of a character. Let me see. Hey, what's this guy's deal? I have osteoporosis. Yeah. You look really rickety. My bones are hollowing out like a bird's bones.
00:46:43
Speaker
But you can't fly. I can barely go up and down the stairs without dying of fear. If I fall, I'll shatter into a million pieces. Well, have a good night there. Thank you. Don't forget to...
00:47:01
Speaker
Tip your bartender. I don't know if coming out to the club and having the three drink minimum is a good idea where if you fall down, you break into a million pieces. You aren't going to stalk me out of here and kill me. Not if you play your cards right. And it remained deferential to me, the most important person in the club. Okay.
00:47:30
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you for your service. Oh, my bones. Oh, that's the osteoporosis chronicle. Do you think that we could also shine a light on important osteoporosis people of the day and throughout history?
00:47:59
Speaker
Oh yeah. We could find some people who had it. Talk to Sally Field. Does she have it or was she just an advocate for those who do? I, you know, I believed that she had it in those Boniva commercials, but I mean, I, I really believed that, um, that Wilford Brimley had diabetes as well. And that turned out to be fake.
00:48:28
Speaker
I really believe that Jamie Lee Curtis needed that special yogurt to poop. She needed her poop yogurt. All right, you got another one? Yes. One last idea. This is the armchair sneech. The armchair sneech. Yeah. Like S N E E C H.
00:48:54
Speaker
Well, I'm going to talk about it like it is, but, uh, according to the bod Tron, it is a TCH. Well, we'll put a T in there. That's probably, cause we're talking about the star belly Sneetches. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. Yes. Okay. So it will put a T in there. Sneetches were very active and, uh, they would make their life changing decision willy nilly.
00:49:21
Speaker
at the moment and immediately change their lives forever. But this would be a podcast in which we sit on the sidelines and try to decide, you know, what growing fad to join. Okay. What will be the star upon your belly, Nathan?
00:49:46
Speaker
NFTs, I'm going to get the apes on my belly. Okay. I'm going to steal. I'm going to steal the ape from Seth green, and then I'll put it on my belly. And there's not a goddamn thing he could do about it. And then if you, if you want to, if you want your TV show to happen, you're going to have to make it a TV show about my belly.
00:50:07
Speaker
I'm gonna come up with one to put on my belly too, but I think that we can also go into the belly of the mind. I don't think that it necessarily has to be something affixed directly to one's belly. But if I did electric can opener, electric can opener please. Ooh, what about this? Tattoo.
00:50:37
Speaker
of go to see on my butthole. I'm going to get it actually on my once again on my real belly, make my belly in a butthole belly. Yeah, that's a good one. Damn. Now, I do kind of want. I don't want that tattoo, but I want to see somebody else get that tattoo. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. And then you could do like you could do little ones up high around your nipples.
00:51:06
Speaker
You could, you could have the, the three wolf t-shirt, but in goat C tattoos on your actual body, the three goats, the t-shirt that's, that's one of, one of my favorite, uh, science fiction novels is the, uh, the three goats, the problem. That's the armchair sneech. Okay. Let let's run down what we got this week. Okay. The taboo cast.
00:51:37
Speaker
Top 10, take two. Our new comedy album, All Crowdwork. Lil Ron Hubbard's Cupboard of Peculiarities. Stranger Talk, This Is No Ears podcast, The Osteoporosis Chronicle, and The Armchair Sneech. I feel like this one is slam dunk. It's top 10, take two.
00:52:06
Speaker
Really far away. That was not what I expected you to say. So I apparently did not think it was a slam dunk, but I will do that one. Top 10 take two. This is a classic. That's a very good. It's an easy one to do. And I'm surprised we haven't done something like that before. This is OK. So just to talk a little shop real quick. OK, we're going to take
00:52:36
Speaker
the premises of old David Letterman top tens and write top 10 lists in place of what was written in the eighties and nineties. Yeah. And I think that we will probably like, well, we'll actually write these lists out, but when I do my list, you'll be reading David's list side by side. We'll go back and forth 10, 10, nine, nine, eight, eight.
00:53:05
Speaker
and that I'll be David for your written list. Oh, okay. I was just assuming that we wouldn't even need to read the old jokes about Nancy Kerrigan or whatever. Yeah, okay. Sometimes they're way funnier than they were originally just because of that special crust. They started out as gravy and then they grew a skin.
00:53:37
Speaker
Like a creme brulee. Nobody's stirred it in years. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it's a creme brulee. You crack it open and there's delicious and other times it's nacho cheese from the gas station.
00:53:50
Speaker
All right, folks, if you want to hear top 10, take two, go over to patreon.com slash we don't have a podcast yet. Sign up to support our show. You'll get access to an entire vault of old attempted podcasts, as well as a special RSS feed that you can use to listen to our newest episode every time a new one comes out as soon as it comes out.
00:54:15
Speaker
Also, follow us on social media. Leave us a review. And we love you. Good night. Good night.